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November 20, 2012

Send in the clowns

We went bowling tonight, it’s something that we enjoy, and it gets us out of the house. It’s been a rough week, we had a blowup with our oldest son, our Marriage is strained right now, and with all of that there are legal matters to attend to. It’s day to day right now, the chickens will be off to slaughter next week, there is no other option and it was getting close to that time anyway. We will sell the coop, or find storage for it if we must. We will give up one of the dogs most likely, she’s too destructive and with rentals you can’t have an animal that chews things up. We are also going to sell some of our fish and end up with just one or two small tanks, it all rips at our hearts and causes tears.

But that’s the hard reality, we decided today that we are going to turn all this over to a lawyer and our account, and let them guide us through this. There is too much at stake and we don’t want to make any mis-steps, the lender is basically foreclosing on us, which makes me angry because we have never missed a payment. But I’ll let the lawyer deal with that, we will focus on packing and getting ready.

My faith is in tatters right now, the sun will rise tomorrow and we will move on, but we will never be the same. I’m too overwhelmed to know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. There is a deep ache in my heart, I can’t hide it, my co-workers and friends know something is up, but we’ve been pretty quiet about it. We can be philosophical and rationalize why this is better, logically I know that’s true, emotionally however I’m still not over all this.

I do think I will feel better once we get more packed and have a better idea of where we will land, the timing of this was the worst. This week everyone is out with their family, and we are falling apart, just when we need re-assurance.

There are prospects, a house in the city on a large lot looking for long term tenants (that’s us). A couple a little farther out that look very nice, we talked to one today who was so weird we just walked away. The last thing I need is a twitchy landlord to deal with, we want something cheap, that we can stay in for a couple of years, and close to work (well, closer).

I’m sure this will all get better, that the sun will finally come out, but getting there is going to be tough. I wish someone would send the clowns, we need a good laugh and smile, something cheer our hearts and let us smile from the inside out.


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