Dealing with the unknown…

Hostess just went belly up, and 18,000 people just got unemployed, Happy Holidays!. Granted they did let union thugs represent them, and hopefully they all learned an important lesson about why unions are such a bad idea anymore. The Whitehouse and certain members of congress are pushing for adding new taxes onto those they deem rich, they will brook no compromise, the greedy must pay their fair share, so the have nots, can have. Republicans have been on a continual decline since the early nineties, and  at times, I can’t tell them apart from the democrats. I don’t trust any media news source, they all lie, spin and obfuscate the truth. And in many cases their bias is so obvious that it almost becomes comical, if it wasn’t so damn dangerous.

Around the World, hate, violence and mayhem are the order of the day, Israel is being bombed, our embassies are under attack and there seems to be nowhere to run or hide.

We live in troubled times, it’s always been this way, history makes that perfectly clear. There have been periods of peace and prosperity, but they never last. I have no doubt we will get through this administrations idiotic ideas, and another election will bring more unworthy idiots running for office. Two years from now people will elect more slimy, two faced politicians, who lie, cheat and steal and not think twice about it.

My hope is gone, it’s been under fire for a long time. But now with our home pushed into the unknown, what little was left has vanished. I don’t trust the churches, religion, government, and people in general. I honestly feel like I’m trapped on a sinking island I can’t get off of.

I know all the cliche’s about turning to God, and giving it up (whatever that meant), and there are people who are praying for us, which touches the little part of my heart that is left, but will amount to nothing. I can’t have faith, because I have no hope, and without either, I don’t see the point. If God is there, I don’t see him, and he certainly hasn’t let me in on what’s happening.

I think the two things that hurt the most is having to give away the clownfish that we raised, and have cared for. And being back under someone else’s whims in a rental situation. Well and having to pack up the shop, which will be a HUGE effort.

I confided in a friend today, it helped a little. But when I get home, I have to face the prospect of losing our home again in all it’s stark reality. It’s a big deal because it was my stable place, I could hide from the world, and I could let my creativity flow.

Writing seems to help, it’s cathartic in it’s own way. But ultimately, I have to get packing and deal with the loss, deal with the time and effort I put into fixing this place up. There’s nothing else I can do.

Monday we start the journey to work with a loan agent, to see if he can help, but since I have no hope, I don’t see a good outcome. I see us packing up, and compressing in and being unsettled for the foreseeable future. If that’s God’s plan, then he can take it, I’m not ready for it.

-Paul-