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June 24, 2013

2

Anger and Sorrow…

My faith has been shaken, my heart is filled with shame. Anger and sorrow come and go as they please.

My world has come undone, and it’s been my doing. I alone caused all this to happen, the shame, while not entirely mine to bear, could have been prevented.

I have a taste of what David suffered, and there’s nothing good about it.

Those I love, and those I trusted, betrayed me, some honestly, some I’m still not sure.

But what I thought was, is now, no longer.

So I’m facing the mistakes of my past again, in all their agony.

But the betrayal, that’s the knife in my back, that part cut me to the core.

It hurts, it really aches deep in my soul, and I have no idea of what to do.

Alcohol?…

Sleep?…

Time?…

I’m not sure even where I stand right now, on anything, and yet I must continue on. I don’t have a choice, and I don’t know what else to do.

Others are counting on me, there is no escape, I can’t let them down, even though I feel let down and betrayed.

I need a miracle, except that if one happened, would I really benefit from it? or is this suffering the only way out of the valley?

I don’t know any longer.

My faith has been shaken.

God Please Forgive Me A Sinner.

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2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Jun 24 2013

    Paul,

    God love you, so sorry to hear this. All I can advise is: stay close to Jesus and your faith. Go to the Divine Liturgy as often as possible. Pray the Rosary. Ask friends/family for help. Don’t give up.

    Devin

    Reply
  2. Jun 24 2013

    Thank you Devin…

    It was Cathartic, I’ve been holding it in all day long. The last week has been very emotional, with this morning being the pinnacle. And once it was over, I had to put on my game face, and back to the office…

    It had to come out in one way or another 😉

    -Paul-

    Reply

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